Stick unto me and you might find
what it means to be right
under the walking clouds
talking... singing....
playing games that children play
taking a stand
is difficult
when one is
unsure uncouth irresponsible
better first to be a man
they she lay
licking
the ice cream cone
as if...
it were... ummmmm
shoot aim kill
who says we are in sequence
order in a dream
is still
a dream
sitting there by the old road bench
i was windswept
blown
then and there
to a place i never knew existed
Monday, December 06, 2004
epsilon
who is this man
who,
thinking himself to be gr8
wants
by giving
to take himself
across the chasms
that divide him from other
who,
thinking himself to be gr8
wants
by giving
to take himself
across the chasms
that divide him from other
Monday, November 22, 2004
To Kill a Mockingbird
You ask a book lover to name one book and chances are he will not be able to do it. But I am doing it - So I am probably not a book lover. It is my all time favourite book. Just the other day, I was watching Gregory Peck playing his Oscar winning role as Atticus Finch, a lawyer who takes up the case of a black man charged of raping a white in 1930's America. And there is a place in the book/movie when he is asked why he took the case and he replies - "Else i wouldn't have been able to hold my head up". That is Dignity i guess - a virtue that he embodies. Not me - not yet atleast.
What happened is this: I was put in a situation where I had the oppurtunity of pocketing some dollars by getting some fake bills. This collegue of mine was going to produce them and he offered me some of the dough - And I was like - yeah! there is my ski boot - there is my digicam - there is my Vegas trip. And comfortable travel in a car to and from office in this cold weather to... yes - boot.
And before i knew it, Greed had me by the guts - Yup, the stomach area is the seat of greed. Also of jealousy. On the flip side, it also is the seat of joy and generosity. Ancient Indian Knowledge - don't you have any doubts about it.
So, since the mind was fantasizing over the fun I would have with the Things That Me Go Ummm..., it had conviniently ignored a catch. Something that would have made me slavish to somebody i didn't have to. Well, that it a hyperbole perhaps - 'bound' is about right.
But i was not seeing all this. Not yet. What woke me up to this was again money - i would have had to pay now and get more back later. And luckily - I managed to tell that person to 'Go your own way'.
Of course I am not even close to Atticus Finch and all that he embodies but i am beginning to see why they call these things 'values'.
What happened is this: I was put in a situation where I had the oppurtunity of pocketing some dollars by getting some fake bills. This collegue of mine was going to produce them and he offered me some of the dough - And I was like - yeah! there is my ski boot - there is my digicam - there is my Vegas trip. And comfortable travel in a car to and from office in this cold weather to... yes - boot.
And before i knew it, Greed had me by the guts - Yup, the stomach area is the seat of greed. Also of jealousy. On the flip side, it also is the seat of joy and generosity. Ancient Indian Knowledge - don't you have any doubts about it.
So, since the mind was fantasizing over the fun I would have with the Things That Me Go Ummm..., it had conviniently ignored a catch. Something that would have made me slavish to somebody i didn't have to. Well, that it a hyperbole perhaps - 'bound' is about right.
But i was not seeing all this. Not yet. What woke me up to this was again money - i would have had to pay now and get more back later. And luckily - I managed to tell that person to 'Go your own way'.
Of course I am not even close to Atticus Finch and all that he embodies but i am beginning to see why they call these things 'values'.
Monday, November 15, 2004
docu-tainment or movie-mentary?
So, like - what was i thinking about? Some people might find it exciting to be with young, nubile, excited s just bursting into the teenage years, strutting their stuff for all the world to letch at. Remember Kevin Spacey in 'American Beauty' ?
Only there was like a thousand of them at the Pepsi Centre, Denver and the only people my age were their daddies. You could feel estrogen in the air - no kidding. The occasion - Avril Lavigne - Live in concert. The oldest guy in the band had just turned 21. Yes, a couple of her songs *are* good - but a little forthought would have told most of the audience would have looked up 'complicated'. Suffice to say that i felt out of place.
It was better in the morning when i was watching college s play soccer. Somehow a playground is just that - a level playing ground - age/sex no bar.
A place that i did feel at home was the Starz Film Center where they were playing 'Lighting in a Bottle' - a docu-tainment of the Blues - studded by the greatest ever songs by some of the greatest ever musicians. This was just before the concert. And little did i now that the last song was going to be so prophetic - 'Sweet Six....teen'
Only there was like a thousand of them at the Pepsi Centre, Denver and the only people my age were their daddies. You could feel estrogen in the air - no kidding. The occasion - Avril Lavigne - Live in concert. The oldest guy in the band had just turned 21. Yes, a couple of her songs *are* good - but a little forthought would have told most of the audience would have looked up 'complicated'. Suffice to say that i felt out of place.
It was better in the morning when i was watching college s play soccer. Somehow a playground is just that - a level playing ground - age/sex no bar.
A place that i did feel at home was the Starz Film Center where they were playing 'Lighting in a Bottle' - a docu-tainment of the Blues - studded by the greatest ever songs by some of the greatest ever musicians. This was just before the concert. And little did i now that the last song was going to be so prophetic - 'Sweet Six....teen'
Tuesday, November 09, 2004
A (small) tale of two cities
The day after we booked ourselves into our rooms, it snowed in Broomfield, Colorado.
It was a gentle, soft welcome. Not cold. By next morn, it was white all around. It was as if the white of the mountains had gotten away from its normal domain and spread itself everywhere. Like when you flood fill a figure with a colour but there is a small gap and the colour overflows? (I can’t help it – limited non-techie experience :)
Broomfield itself is very clean. Great roads, big shopping malls, restaurants. There is even a colourful shuttle that runs all around the shopping area – for free. It all gives a very movie-set/comic-book effect to life here. But not because it is gay and all - just that it is not very real.
Now, Boulder seems to be quite the American town to me. Yeah, my only gyaan is from movies and books - but so what!? it did look like cary grant would walk out of any of those buildings in a suit and a hat :)
More people. lots of people cycling. lots of student junta around the Univ. area (duh!)
More trees! Is that what’s giving me the feeling of reality as opposed to Broomfield?
i walked around a lot but didn't have time for the famous Pearl St. mall. that's b'coz i caught the cult movie-mentary _What the bleep do we know_ - about Quantum physics and thoughts and our brain and so many important things.
it's not *great* movie making but when the content is so bleeping good, the form can be ignored a little :).
Which, incidentally, was the case with a girl i met at Boulder bus station. Not many girls make so much sense in life. Or was it because I was so overjoyed by the movie? she seemed so content that I didn't even ask her for an email id. don't know – maybe I should have been Bolder? (ha ha ha)
On the way back, i had to walk for more than an hour because the bus dropped me way off. It was dark and although there were lights, the fact that there was hardly a human made it slightly scary for me. So, i was scared when i heard a "Hi" from nowhere. turned out to be a drunk Mexican who knew only "Hi" in English. My 'Non-comprendez' were not enough for him to let go. Finally, I just ran. And guess where i landed for dinner - Yup a mexican place.
It was a gentle, soft welcome. Not cold. By next morn, it was white all around. It was as if the white of the mountains had gotten away from its normal domain and spread itself everywhere. Like when you flood fill a figure with a colour but there is a small gap and the colour overflows? (I can’t help it – limited non-techie experience :)
Broomfield itself is very clean. Great roads, big shopping malls, restaurants. There is even a colourful shuttle that runs all around the shopping area – for free. It all gives a very movie-set/comic-book effect to life here. But not because it is gay and all - just that it is not very real.
Now, Boulder seems to be quite the American town to me. Yeah, my only gyaan is from movies and books - but so what!? it did look like cary grant would walk out of any of those buildings in a suit and a hat :)
More people. lots of people cycling. lots of student junta around the Univ. area (duh!)
More trees! Is that what’s giving me the feeling of reality as opposed to Broomfield?
i walked around a lot but didn't have time for the famous Pearl St. mall. that's b'coz i caught the cult movie-mentary _What the bleep do we know_ - about Quantum physics and thoughts and our brain and so many important things.
it's not *great* movie making but when the content is so bleeping good, the form can be ignored a little :).
Which, incidentally, was the case with a girl i met at Boulder bus station. Not many girls make so much sense in life. Or was it because I was so overjoyed by the movie? she seemed so content that I didn't even ask her for an email id. don't know – maybe I should have been Bolder? (ha ha ha)
On the way back, i had to walk for more than an hour because the bus dropped me way off. It was dark and although there were lights, the fact that there was hardly a human made it slightly scary for me. So, i was scared when i heard a "Hi" from nowhere. turned out to be a drunk Mexican who knew only "Hi" in English. My 'Non-comprendez' were not enough for him to let go. Finally, I just ran. And guess where i landed for dinner - Yup a mexican place.
Tuesday, November 02, 2004
quiet please, thank you
When i code, i wanna surf
when i surf, i wanna blog,
when i blog, i wanna eat
when i eat, i wanna drink
when i drink, i wanna play guitar
when i play guitar, i wanna watch tv
when i watch tv, i wanna shag
when i shag, i wanna sleep
.....sshh
when i surf, i wanna blog,
when i blog, i wanna eat
when i eat, i wanna drink
when i drink, i wanna play guitar
when i play guitar, i wanna watch tv
when i watch tv, i wanna shag
when i shag, i wanna sleep
.....sshh
Saturday, October 30, 2004
Shocked no more?
So, i'm here. In the Promised Land. Spending time with Uncle Sam. So am i jumping up and down? Or am i feeing like a 'Stranger in a strange land'?
The thing that has been on my mind is - i am not feeling too different. Sure, I am with couple of collegues and that should help but the fact is that most of people i *see* are Caucaeseans. And have seen fewer and fewer Indians over the last 24 or so hours.
So, is culture shock a thing of the past? Maybe! Most of the news channels carried a lot of US prez election stuff back home as well. I am going to be working on the PC for most of the week and corresponding with friends by accessing Yahoo and Rediff. Toilet paper is available in most loos back home.
The crux of the so called 'Culture shock' is perhaps no longer in the material world anymore. It is in us humans and the ideas they have. If i feel that the steward treats me worse than the 'whites' on board, well then that is primarily my problem. If i feel strange while greeting total strangers, that too is my limitation.
i think it was Lun Tzu who said
"if you see excellence, try to better it. If you see something wrong, look inside yourself".
let me go to sleep doing just that.
The thing that has been on my mind is - i am not feeling too different. Sure, I am with couple of collegues and that should help but the fact is that most of people i *see* are Caucaeseans. And have seen fewer and fewer Indians over the last 24 or so hours.
So, is culture shock a thing of the past? Maybe! Most of the news channels carried a lot of US prez election stuff back home as well. I am going to be working on the PC for most of the week and corresponding with friends by accessing Yahoo and Rediff. Toilet paper is available in most loos back home.
The crux of the so called 'Culture shock' is perhaps no longer in the material world anymore. It is in us humans and the ideas they have. If i feel that the steward treats me worse than the 'whites' on board, well then that is primarily my problem. If i feel strange while greeting total strangers, that too is my limitation.
i think it was Lun Tzu who said
"if you see excellence, try to better it. If you see something wrong, look inside yourself".
let me go to sleep doing just that.
Friday, October 01, 2004
give up
i've given up on myself. just plain dissatisfaction with the way i have lived my life. and the worst part is that i don't see any change in the near or distant future(what is that?!)
the problem is that i am wanting to do/ trying to do instead of just doing. rather, not doing is making me want to do/ try to do.
the problem is that i am wanting to do/ trying to do instead of just doing. rather, not doing is making me want to do/ try to do.
Monday, August 30, 2004
how have u been baby, living in sin?
i thot i'd ramble further on the life as a play thing (palything?) but i'll instead settle for peddling sin
sinfest.net
must see, must laugh comic strip - better than Calvin - i promise!
current music: paki-pop groups - Strings and Fuzon! good guitars on both!
currently playing: New - a new movie in Tamil - based loosely on 'Big'. lot of double-entrendes and even with two of the sexiest Tam heroines, he's managed to keep lust out. worth a watch
curr read: Larry wall's article on postmodernism
http://www.wall.org/~larry/pm.html
re-reading that absolut classic: Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance - What *is* Quality?!
sinfest.net
must see, must laugh comic strip - better than Calvin - i promise!
current music: paki-pop groups - Strings and Fuzon! good guitars on both!
currently playing: New - a new movie in Tamil - based loosely on 'Big'. lot of double-entrendes and even with two of the sexiest Tam heroines, he's managed to keep lust out. worth a watch
curr read: Larry wall's article on postmodernism
http://www.wall.org/~larry/pm.html
re-reading that absolut classic: Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance - What *is* Quality?!
Thursday, August 26, 2004
Play On!
Two of my dear friends, Nikhil (nana) and Kandy (kaka) are taking part in a play today. While reading something Seems told me, the thought about life being a play came to the mind. This is by no means a new thought (which thought is!?). Nonetheless, i'm gonna see where this leads...
let us assume that life is a play and everyone is acting out his/her part. Can this help me in leading a 'better' life? Let me explore and see if there are any similarities in acting on stage and acting in life.
A little background on acting helps me out here. In order to respond at the right moment and in a way that the playwright intends, the actor prepares. He reads the script to see how the character should be like - body and mind. What should the physical state of a character be at any moment? What should be the mental/emotional state? These questions may be answered with the help of the director. For some, rehearsals may prove to be an eye-opener to how the character should be. Memorizing the script is only a small part of the process. Indeed, The Method permits digressing from the script, if 'The truth of the moment' demands it.
So, we come to the actual play. In the play, the actor is no longer present! The _character_ is what audience sees. The actor has, in effect, acquired a new body/mind through which he responds to the various events happening around him/her. The responses should not come the actor using his memory. That will show that there is an actor! So where do the responses come from?
From practise :). The actor has practised the character so much that the responses seem to come from the character. Of course, there *is* no physical character. There is only an actor, physically. But he has to let the character take over his resources completely - else the act will not be good.
To Be Continued.... :)
let us assume that life is a play and everyone is acting out his/her part. Can this help me in leading a 'better' life? Let me explore and see if there are any similarities in acting on stage and acting in life.
A little background on acting helps me out here. In order to respond at the right moment and in a way that the playwright intends, the actor prepares. He reads the script to see how the character should be like - body and mind. What should the physical state of a character be at any moment? What should be the mental/emotional state? These questions may be answered with the help of the director. For some, rehearsals may prove to be an eye-opener to how the character should be. Memorizing the script is only a small part of the process. Indeed, The Method permits digressing from the script, if 'The truth of the moment' demands it.
So, we come to the actual play. In the play, the actor is no longer present! The _character_ is what audience sees. The actor has, in effect, acquired a new body/mind through which he responds to the various events happening around him/her. The responses should not come the actor using his memory. That will show that there is an actor! So where do the responses come from?
From practise :). The actor has practised the character so much that the responses seem to come from the character. Of course, there *is* no physical character. There is only an actor, physically. But he has to let the character take over his resources completely - else the act will not be good.
To Be Continued.... :)
Thursday, August 19, 2004
So long, and thanks for all the Internet
it is difficult to be grateful to something that manges to suck all the energy and enthusiasm out of you (is the fault with me? perhaps - but then this post would not be interesting :)
i am talking about the companies that we work for. what do we work for anyways? but i am not here to throw up philosophical questions. all i wanna do is thank the technology that made is possible to connect to the whole wide world. and not only for the utility value.
just the whole thing that we are connected is so... comforting... and exciting at the same time. just to immerse ourselves in this large, connected mind is what we get and the price we pay - the work we do. surely, it is symbolic!, of token value only - why should i bother meself with mundane Q's like - "is this all worth it?". it is *this* question that produces the sense of worthlessness - which of course makes us *ask* this Q to ourselves :).
confused? drink a beer and go to sleep :)
http://www.cnn.com/2004/US/West/08/18/bear.beer.reut/index.html
i am talking about the companies that we work for. what do we work for anyways? but i am not here to throw up philosophical questions. all i wanna do is thank the technology that made is possible to connect to the whole wide world. and not only for the utility value.
just the whole thing that we are connected is so... comforting... and exciting at the same time. just to immerse ourselves in this large, connected mind is what we get and the price we pay - the work we do. surely, it is symbolic!, of token value only - why should i bother meself with mundane Q's like - "is this all worth it?". it is *this* question that produces the sense of worthlessness - which of course makes us *ask* this Q to ourselves :).
confused? drink a beer and go to sleep :)
http://www.cnn.com/2004/US/West/08/18/bear.beer.reut/index.html
Wednesday, August 18, 2004
New job, old TT
today was my first day at MODC (McData Offshore Dev Centre) at HCL Tech, Chennai. i am temporarily placed in a training room converted to workspace. i rather enjoy it :).
This whole place has a rather college-y feel to it. The canteen is next door with a TV and a TT table! yaay! life begins to get back into me once i start to play. it was so integral to work-life at IBM. Now it is so here too.
Ppl. here start playing by 4 itself ;)
Cheers
suraj
p.s: sit up straight there u croucher!
This whole place has a rather college-y feel to it. The canteen is next door with a TV and a TT table! yaay! life begins to get back into me once i start to play. it was so integral to work-life at IBM. Now it is so here too.
Ppl. here start playing by 4 itself ;)
Cheers
suraj
p.s: sit up straight there u croucher!
Sitting by the pool?
i've been really excited by the pool events in the olympics this year - unfortunately i have managed to miss all the good events - when reading about it is so good, seeing it live would be so exciting!
I really like Phelps' attitude. He's got the enthusiasm of a freshman. Thorpe is now-familiar face but his effort in 4*200 and 100 have been amazing! And although Netherlands is a country i support in most games, it is only when they wear orange :). So hoogenband - tough luck :)
Go Thorpe! Go Phelps! Go Flying Dutchman!
I really like Phelps' attitude. He's got the enthusiasm of a freshman. Thorpe is now-familiar face but his effort in 4*200 and 100 have been amazing! And although Netherlands is a country i support in most games, it is only when they wear orange :). So hoogenband - tough luck :)
Go Thorpe! Go Phelps! Go Flying Dutchman!
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